Empathy and You

December 22, 2019 - Today I really haven't noticed any empathic responses but only because I really haven't been around anyone today. I think there are days that I pick up on things coming from my family, but not so much anymore which is a blessing. Of course, when I am home, I am usually in my room working on my stuff so I am not around them so much. This makes it easier for me because every one's emotions seem to affect me anymore. I think this is main reason I don't like to leave the house or go places where there are a lot of people. I have a very difficult time being in a place where there a lot of people because of this. I think that's at least a part of the reason I quit going places most of the time. I find that anger especially I seem to have a hard time dealing with. It's always been that way for me. If I get around someone who is angry, I tend to take on some of the anger. I have to wonder if this helps the person dealing with the anger at all. I'm not sure that's how this works or not, if I take some of their emotion or just feel it right along with them. I guess that's part of the reason I wanted to take this class. I want more information about empathy. I just recently found out that there is name for I what I feel. So I am trying to learn as much as I can about it now so that I know how to help and how to deal with it.

December 23, 2019 - Today was a rough day. Hubby was upset because nothing seemed to be going right for him and out of the blue I seemed to get upset as well. I do this with him often as we are so close and around each other for most of the day. I was trying to help him and he kept getting more and more frustrated because what he was trying to do was not working. I had to leave for a few because we were both upset and I didn't want to make things worse. When he gets upset or mad, it really seems to affect me very much. I did notice that the feelings were not mine this time, which is a change, I usually don't get that until after the fact. So, it was kind of nice to realize early on that these were not my feelings. After I walked away for a few, I was able to get my emotions back in check by doing a little grounding to release the excess emotion. I am so thankful that I have learned how to do this because when I take on other's emotions it drains me so much. Being able to ground and get rid of the excess energy, I was able to help hubby get done what he was trying to after going back to it. I know that I still have so much to learn, but that one simple technique has helped me over the last year a lot. I am looking forward to trying to learn different ways to shield myself from this excess energy though.

December 24, 2019 -
My dad is sick so I haven't had much time today to do anything other than care for him. He tends to go down hill very quickly so we really have to keep a close eye on him. I can tell that he does not feel good and he has been sleeping a lot today. I know that he gets angry when he is sick, because it just drives him crazy to not be in total control. So while he can be very hard to deal with when he is like this, I know the reason behind it so I guess it makes it a little easier on me. It is hard for me to deal with his anger many times because while it seems to be directed at me, I know that it really is not. I know that my dad has been very independent his entire life and slowly losing that independence pisses him off. However, knowing this does not make it any easier to deal with it when it lasts for days at a time. When he gets this way, I tend to spend a little more time in my room listening to music or watching a movie. This helps me to escape for a short time and just get away from everything. This gives me a chance to recharge my own batteries so that I can continue to care for my dad and my the rest of my farm and family. I guess you could say this is my time for a little self-care.

December 25, 2019 – Dad is still sick so I again I haven't had much time for me. I pray that he will feel better because it really scares me when he gets sick. This usually ends up with a hospital stay of at least a week. I am trying to get him to go to urgent care and he is resisting because of the weather. It has been rainy and cold the last few days, so he does not want to leave the house. I can't say that I blame him there, it is nasty outside and it's nice and cozy in the house. However, if we don't get him in soon, it will most definitely be a long stay. I am feeling very useless today because of this. I know he feels bad, but he won't go to the urgent care. There is not much that I can do for him here without getting some sort of medication for him. I would love to start working herbal medications for him, but I don't know enough yet. This is a rough time of year because he gets sick every year around this time. Even knowing that it is going to happen does not change anything. I still feel useless when it does happen because there is not much that I can do to help him to feel better. I'm not sure he would let me do any herbal magic for him though as he is so completely against it. I guess as I learn more, the only thing I can do is try.

December 26, 2019 – Today Dad has been feeling a little bit better so I took some time for myself. I have really needed this and I don't think I even realized how much. Dad's care giver came today for 3 hours so I went out for a walk. I staying within calling distance (in the yard), but I was able to get out and do a little gardening. I feel so at peace when I'm in my garden. I love the way it smells and the way the dirt feels on my hands. Being so close to the earth allows me time to recharge and relax and release all the negative energy of the last few days. I really needed this. I feel more at peace tonight than I have in a while. I was mostly alone today, so I guess I really didn't notice any empathic moments. I tried to stay away from everyone simply because I was so drained. It's times like this when my anxiety and depression tend to rear it's head. It's time like this that I really need to get back in my garden and ground myself so that I can release all the negative and get back to being me. I have always enjoyed working in my garden, even when I couldn't get anything to grow in it. Working the soil just helps to make me feel at peace within my skin. It helps my anxiety to calm down and move to the back again. It helps me to stay grounded.

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